Ducks Unite



It has come to my attention that today at 12:01pm, Pond-Of-Famer Adam Oliver will be making the five-and-a-half hour commute through PA Turnpike speedtraps, stimulus roadwork and Labor Day Traffic from the city of cheese steaks to the city of champions just in time to participate in the Beaver County/Steel City Classic baseball tournament. He will be suiting up in the Green and Gold for the first time since his legendary 2007 campaign.
I myself crammed five grueling days of pickle sales into a four day window in which I hustled through four states slinging dill and dreaming of glory. If this were any other week, I would spend my travel time wondering where I went wrong, lamenting the pathetic fact that I accrued a lifetime of debt earning an education that was unlikely to earn me any money, lay any foundation for even nominal renown or ever get me laid. If this were just any week I would spend my travel time anticipating the upcoming weekend of drowning my sorrows in rum-and-coke, par-3 golf, Lil’ Wayne and fat chicks who tell it like is.
But goddamn it, this is tournament week.
In Erie, we knocked off the rust, some of us getting to know each other. Some of us learning, the hard way, how to communicate in the outfield. (Gwin, who has priority?) We hit some bombs, we made some plays, we swung at everything…, we had some fun, but in the end, it was just practice.
In the BC/SSC we may get to hit against a motherfucker that pitched for Braves. Not for nothing, but I’m a Phillies fan, and I will never forget that awful (racist, annoying) chop and its prevalence in the early 90s when Fred McGriff, Dion Sanders and Steve Avery et al were beating us up. We should see some good teams and Ducks thrive on competition. No doubt, you all have a bitter taste in your beaks after a disappointing loss to the Powerses. Oliver and I know the pain of PNABA defeat as both of our regular Duck finales ended in heartbreak, and included losses to Powers. Let’s play some Duck ball and take it out on Beaver teams and Fed teams and NABA mishmashes of quasi-allstar teams. And we’ll be doing it with real Ducks and not recruits. Ducks fly together.
Fago has enough quacktion to count.
This alumni Ducks campaign is not simply for us, but for the respect of Pittsburgh baseball and the honor of every Duck ever to wear the sacred uniform.
Let’s take it to the stage sucka.

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