Well this Saturday is one of the greatest holidays ever, second only to St. Patrick’s Day. Christmas sucks and Thanksgiving is OK (the day before it is better). In order to better prepare you for this Saturday, I’ve decided to compile a list of things you will definitely see.
1. Celtic Dancers These magical ladies are the equivalent to a prostitute on Valentine’s Day, the holiday is just not the same without them. Unlike hookers, these ladies have class, are better dancers, and can definitely handle their alcohol. My only hope is that the rain doesn’t scare them away this Saturday. On second thought… maybe a little rain would be a good thing.
2. Green Beer Damn whoever thought green beer would be a good idea. The last thing I need on the all day hangover that is the day after St. Patrick’s Day Parade Day is having to call my super because there is a lime green substance overflowing out of my toilet.
3. Market Square
O wait no you won’t. Screw you Luke Ravenstahl.
4. Some douchebag telling everyone how he is Irish
Listen, we all know you think your Irish, your t-shirt says so. Try going to Ireland and telling them your Irish, you’ll have a bigger problem than my bathroom will have Sunday morning. Just because someone in your family moved to the New World 5 generations ago doesn’t make you Irish. Your American douchebag.
5. A family friendly parade.