Listen:

The South Oakland Ducks and the Pittsburgh Bulldogs are two good amateur baseball teams. Both teams are part of the Pittsburgh NABA. I play on the Ducks. Many of my friends play on the Bulldogs.  When I don’t play for the Ducks, I play on the Bulldogs in a different league for old men.  That league is run by a douche bag and another guy who latently cheats to improve his team at the expense of others— I call that a conflict of interest.

A douche bag looks like this:

The Bulldogs drink quite a bit.  When I drink my brain turns into a coffin filled with green and yellow balloon animals, so I quit. Joe is a Bulldog. Joe runs the Pittsburgh NABA without conflict of interest; he recapped the last Ducks Bulldogs game because the Bulldogs won. Joe accidentally hit himself in the ankle with a foul ball in Monday’s game against the Ducks. In that game, the Ducks beat the Bulldogs 19-6.  Because the Ducks won, I am writing this recap to be posted on the Bulldogs site.

Normally, when I write blogs, they look like this:

The Rebels is a stupid name for a team

{pic of stupid rebel team altered with computer software.}

Sort-of-funny caption.

Now some mildly clever nicknames…

And so on…

Quack.

Because this recap is also for the Bulldogs site, I am poorly imitating an author I admire.

Listen:

The first place Ducks have won ten straight games, and are playing well enough to win the division.  The team is carving a niche as a talented, but hard working, blue collar team which is exactly what the Ducks manager hoped would happen. The Bulldogs are also in first place in their division and have a similar reputation.  I call these divisions Campbell and Wales because I like hockey.

In the first inning of the game against the Bulldogs, Ducks ace James Tessyier, allowed a run. This doesn’t happen often.  Going into the game, James had only allowed three runs in 25+ innings. That’s why he’s our ace.

An Ace looks like this:

In the bottom half of the first inning, The Ducks scored three runs when Jams Fago hit a home run.

This is what happens when I remember the home run backwards:  James moonwalks out of the dugout and high fives everyone, then jogs backwards around the bases, uses the force to pick up his bat and waits for the bushes in center field to spit the ball back at him before he slingshots it into the Bulldogs pitcher’s hand.  The Bulldogs pitcher was Brian Strom. He is my friend and a good pitcher and baseball player. He is not, however, the Bulldogs ace.  Later in the first, Ducks short stop Anthony DeFilippo hit a ball to the fence in left and was thrown out at second base. So it goes.

3-1 Ducks after 1.

The Bulldogs scored two more runs in the second to tie the game at three runs apiece going into the bottom half of the inning. Then the Ducks scored two more runs when Captain America hit a double. Captain America is Mark Guthrie’s somewhat clever nickname.

Captain America’s shield looks like this:

Guthrie  only hits doubles. Gwin lined out to the short stop. So it goes.  Cinefra reached on an error, and stole second. Captain America scored when Tim Lipp hit a sac fly.  Then Rob Cool hit a double that was nearly a home run. He wanted to hit a home run real bad because he and James Fago are in love and both want very badly to be the best player on the Ducks. This competition makes the Ducks better.

Ducks 5-3 after 2.

The Bulldogs made three straight outs in the third inning with the help of a nice double play. The Bulldogs catcher is from Youngstown  or some other decaying mill town. He hit into the nice double play and did not have any hits in the game.

The kids in Youngstown look like this:

Mike Tyson also lives near Youngstown. The inside of Mike Tyson’s brain looks like this:

In the bottom of the third, the Ducks scored four runs.

Chris Wojton recorded his fifth  hit in his last six at bats, then he stole second.  At some point in the game, the Bulldogs catcher had derogatory things to say about the caliber of play of the baseball team at Waynesburg University and our shortstop Anthony Defillipo and by proxy several Ducks who also play baseball at Waynesburg University. After Wojton stole second, he advanced to third on a passed ball. A passed ball is when the catcher misses the pitch and hurts his team. With one out, Guthrie walked, and the Ducks executed a hit and run. Wojton scored.

When Wojton makes good plays I use this picture:

Gwin stole second base. Guthrie scored on Cinefra’s single and Gwin went to third.

If Gwin had been thrown out at second he would not have scored on Tim Lipp’s single to the right side.

Tim Lipp plays college baseball at Gannon, and is willing to play out of position to help the Ducks win more games. Tim Lipp was thrown out at second, so it goes. Mike Cinefra scored from third on the throw.

9-3 after three.

In the top of the fourth, Rob Cool threw out a guy at home trying to score on a fly out to center.

In the fourth inning, the Ducks scored ten runs. These Ducks had hits in that inning:

Jesse Smith, Anthony Defilippo, Chris Wojton Nick Homa, KT Murphy, James Fago, Baconator, and Ken Cool.

TC Jones had an RBI.

Rick Whalen was hit in the back. Everyone laughed. Rick is OK.

Ken Cool is our assistant coach. He was hit in the back while coaching third earlier in the game. We all laughed. Ken is OK too.

19-3 after 4

In the fifth inning the Bulldogs showed why they are a good team. They did not quit. Vinny Gala is a good hitter and we could not get him out. The Bulldogs scored three runs in the last inning but still lost by 13 runs. So it goes.

RIPKVJr.

The Ducks play a double header Saturday Morning at 8am against the Militia at Gateway Middle School in Monroeville.

Quack.