South Oakland Ducks of the North Side
Spring View Field
It only took a week for the first player scandal of the season.
Apparently the Oilers brought in a former minor league player to pitch for them this summer. Seems surprising given their managers concern for the competitive balance of the league as expressed in the winter meetings when he complained about the prospect of the WOLFPACK! and the 2 Dirty 2 Birds: Return of the Bandidos rostering Division III college players.
Save the fucking sanctimony about how West View hurt your team’s feelings if you’re gonna bring in some dude who is obviously a ringer.
This is the most BIG OIL move I’ve ever seen. The fucking yuppie, white collar team brings in essentially a Dominican refugee, in an attempt to make up for the fact that their team is soft. Soft as cotton.
This explains why they wouldn’t play us on back to back nights. This dude can only pitch one of those days. I didn’t press the issue as the Pens were on last night.
The Oilers are scared.
Maybe three guys have any heart on that team, as much as I love them as human beings. Seriously though, just embrace being villains as far as the league is concerned because there’s no way around it. Get your fucking neoliberal councilman to throw out the first pitch across from Google in God awful Bakery Square and flout your Asian players and your nice unis, then he can go back to helping our mayor force Pittsburgh’s working poor into Penn Hills so ya’ll can bike to work without having to look at them.
So, where does that leave us?
I am excited for the opportunity. If you’re not pumped about the prospect of playing against a pitcher this good, you should go join PSL, or see if the Oilers will take you.
We have the opportunity to beat a team that thinks it’s going to cruise tonight because they networked their way into a stud pitcher. We are throwing an ex-Black Sox, ex-Oiler, and one time Duck junk baller who is already telling me he doesn’t want to come out of the game.
We haven’t seen live pitching yet, so should be a good test off the bat to see where we are hitting wise.
Here is GIF in honor of the Undertaker.
Bad news for the Oilers