Recaps, 7/2 vs. Senators, 7/6 vs. Titans

2014 South Oakland Ducks, Ducks win, pittsburgh NABA

Our fearless leader, aka Papa Duck, has been at the pond being fed popcorn by infants and the elderly so another fearless Duck was required to take the initiative of informing the fan base of recent transgressions between the South Oakland Ducks and their opponents. As Papa Duck gorges on popcorn and bits of bread, fan favorite ILikeKevinYoung/ILikeKevinYoungEsq will update you on the 7/2 game vs. the Senators and the 7/6 game vs. the Titans.

Benny Photography…

The 7/2 game vs. the Senators presented a shorthanded, 8-man Senators squad versus a veteran-laden, hungry Ducks team. The Senators, however, filibustered the Ducks effort of rolling them over, bringing their bats to the duck pond, a.k.a. the capital of NABA baseball, and thoroughly brow-beating anything the Ducks’ pitchers threw. The game was a back in forth affair between two worthy adversaries. The game ended up going to extra innings, where, Ben Sorosky, aka The Big Sorosky, aka the Dude walked it off with a shot to right-center. In a rage of anger, Bob the Duck bashed ILikeKevinYoungEsq. in the head with his helmet while ILikeKevinYoungEsq. was attemping to revel in the glory of The Big Sorosky’s walk off shot. I don’t remember the score, but there were a lot of runs and the Ducks won by 1 in 8 or 9 innings.

The 7/6 matchup vs. the Titans was another nail-biter between these two teams. On a side note, I generally have a lot of respect for the Titans. They play good ball in spite of being perpetually short handed and don’t engage in any nonsense. The Ducks, however, were pulling all kinds of shenanigans with a QUACK cheer before the game reminiscent of the great Quack Attack of 2008, a fine year for this South Oakland team. Versus the Titans, Gator Fetter, aka Cheddar aka Cheese aka Cheeseball aka Swiss Cheese aka the Big Cheese aka Jason showed the same grit he has all season, starting the game off with some fastballs that caught too much of the zone but preceding to shut the Titans down when it mattered. A timely hit from Brian Strom-Arm Strom broke the game open for the Ducks and broke the Titans’ spirit.

The next South Oakland game is versus The Soviet Union. Or is it the West View Wolfpack? Its on Sunday at 830 PM at John Herb Field. To keep with the consistency of the blog, here is a recent photo of the Wolfpack’s esteemed manager.

 

A menu of how to bribe an infallible attorney and the legality of a semi-pro amateur baseball league bribe

2014 South Oakland Ducks, pittsburgh NABA

It was recently brought to my esteemed attention that a certain TEAM!!! in the NABA attempted to bribe a previous Ducks regime into throwing games for a measly $50-$100. Because that TEAM!!! is still in the league, I wanted to set forth guidelines for how to bribe Ducks super-utility and leading home run hitter Anthony Ciccone (#2). The following actions will be undertaken at the stated cost below:

$10 – #2 will steal a base if currently on first or second. No determining whether he will be safe or out, but you can hand over a $10 and call a pitch out.

$20 – #2 will take the first two pitches of an at-bat, no questions asked.

$50 – #2 will get drunk for the game. Probably whisky. Alcohol choice subject to change, paying party responsible for all related expenses.

$100 – #2 will initiate a proceeding in the Commonwealth Court of Pennsylvania to have the TEAM!!!’s manager’s criminal record expunged. After filing, the billable rate will jump to $200 an hour.

$150 – #2 will bat right handed for the remainder of the game.

$200 – #2 will fight down a member of the TEAM!!!’s DUI charge to a simple traffic violation/public nudity.

$500 – #2 will get thrown out of the game by arguing with the umps on an out call on a clear force play.

$1000 – #2 will incorporate the TEAM!!! as an LLC or LLP in Pennsylvania and/or Delaware to shield them from personal liability.

Please note that for a contract to be valid, there must be an offer, acceptance and consideration. While this may constitute an offer, and payment may constitute acceptance, the legal consideration of a contract for semi-pro amateur NABA players to throw games is under current debate with Ducks upper management.

Also, Wandy Rodriguez might be signed by the Ducks this week.

Release the Quacken.

Signed,

ILikeKevinYoungEsq.