A menu of how to bribe an infallible attorney and the legality of a semi-pro amateur baseball league bribe

2014 South Oakland Ducks, pittsburgh NABA

It was recently brought to my esteemed attention that a certain TEAM!!! in the NABA attempted to bribe a previous Ducks regime into throwing games for a measly $50-$100. Because that TEAM!!! is still in the league, I wanted to set forth guidelines for how to bribe Ducks super-utility and leading home run hitter Anthony Ciccone (#2). The following actions will be undertaken at the stated cost below:

$10 – #2 will steal a base if currently on first or second. No determining whether he will be safe or out, but you can hand over a $10 and call a pitch out.

$20 – #2 will take the first two pitches of an at-bat, no questions asked.

$50 – #2 will get drunk for the game. Probably whisky. Alcohol choice subject to change, paying party responsible for all related expenses.

$100 – #2 will initiate a proceeding in the Commonwealth Court of Pennsylvania to have the TEAM!!!’s manager’s criminal record expunged. After filing, the billable rate will jump to $200 an hour.

$150 – #2 will bat right handed for the remainder of the game.

$200 – #2 will fight down a member of the TEAM!!!’s DUI charge to a simple traffic violation/public nudity.

$500 – #2 will get thrown out of the game by arguing with the umps on an out call on a clear force play.

$1000 – #2 will incorporate the TEAM!!! as an LLC or LLP in Pennsylvania and/or Delaware to shield them from personal liability.

Please note that for a contract to be valid, there must be an offer, acceptance and consideration. While this may constitute an offer, and payment may constitute acceptance, the legal consideration of a contract for semi-pro amateur NABA players to throw games is under current debate with Ducks upper management.

Also, Wandy Rodriguez might be signed by the Ducks this week.

Release the Quacken.

Signed,

ILikeKevinYoungEsq.

Ducks Win

2014 South Oakland Ducks, Ducks win

Ducks 10, Monsters 9

South Oakland (10-3) held on to beat the Monsters 10-9 at the hidden field of Brentwood on Sunday. The Monsters fell to 5-8 on the season.

Here’s a cheap bulleted recap

  • Ben Sorosky returned to the mound after a 3 year hiatus and recorded a 2-inning save for starter and winning pitcher Brian Strom. Both Ducks pitched well despite combining to allow 9 runs.
  • Strom has been great for us on the mound this season.
  • Jason Fetter had three hits and added 2 huge insurance runs in the seventh
  • Galvanek also had three hits
  • We stole bases.
  • We made some odd base running decisions.
  • South Oakland turned a sweet 3-6-3 double play with runners on first and second and nobody out in the sixth.
  • We won without five starters. I think the Monsters were down a few guys as well, so whatever. We still have good depth.
  • Mike Brandt leaned into a pitch and was told to stay at the plate. I am now not the only Duck to have done this.
  • All ten Ducks reached base safely or drove in a run. Lots of productive outs.
  • We’re tied for first with North America (11-4) who beat the WOLFPACK!!! 9-7 Saturday night. The WOLFPACK!!! is 9-4.
  • We either play Wed at 6:15 in Etna, or we have a double header at home at 6:15 on Wed. I’m not sure which. Management will text everyone when the location is confirmed with the other managers and the league office.

quack.

 

 

Game Day 13: Ducks at Monsters

2014 South Oakland Ducks, Gameday, pittsburgh NABA

South Oakland Ducks of the North Side (9-3)

at

Monongahela Monsters (5-7)

4:30pm

Brentwood Park

South Oakland looks to avenge an early season, 5-1 loss to Monongahela today in Brentwood. The Monsters are the only team the Ducks have not defeated. The Ducks need a win to stay tied for first with the WOLFPACK!!! (9-3) and Lions (10-4).

After a 3-0 start, the Monsters have gone 2-7. Monongahela seemed solid when we played them, not many easy outs in their lineup. They must have lost a pitcher or something. Or maybe they ran into these guys:

Game Day [10]: Ducks (6-3) vs Bulldogs (3-3)

Today’s game will be the Ducks first in Brentwood. Half our roster is on vacation, so we’ll test our depth. Brian Strom will take the hill for the South Oakland.

storm_x_men_goddess_by_xanthemann-d5iognt

Bad News for the Monstres

 

Game Day 13: Ducks vs. Senators.

2014 South Oakland Ducks, Gameday, pittsburgh NABA

South Oakland Ducks of the North Side (9-3)

vs

Senators (3-8)

8pm

Springview Field

Hopefully the weather holds up.

We played the Sens on Sat and, like the first match-up, outlasted them in a game that was close early and turned into a fairly one-sided Ducks win.

I have to wonder who they’re going to throw on short rest today.

The Lions swept the bombers on Sunday, and are now tied for first at 10-4. The Bombers are making me look bad for touting them so highly early on.

The WOLFPACK!!! are 9-3.

We’re starting to see some separation between the top 3 teams and the rest of the conference. The Monsters, Bombers and Titans are all under achieving right now, as best as I can tell, and the Senators and Warriors have been unable to get into the swing of the season with all the rain outs.

We need a win tonight keep pace, and stay in the hunt for a bye in the playoffs.

Assume the game is on, unless there is a monsoon. Rescheduling this time of year is near-impossible.

Captain America is scheduled to make his return tonight.

captainamerica180s Bad News for the Senators

 

 

 

X-Rays are Negative and I got some sweet painkillers. Ducks Win.

2014 South Oakland Ducks, Ducks win, pittsburgh NABA, South Oakland Ducks Baseball

EDITS by MightyEskimo

 

The South Oakland Ducks of the North Side defeated the Senators 10-6 (as confirmed by the scorebook) Saturday afternoon in North Park. The win brings the Ducks (9-3) back into a tie for first with the WOLFPACK!!! and keeps South Oakland a game ahead of North America. The Senators dropped to 3-8.

The Ducks struck first in the top of the second. After the Sens recorded two quick outs, their starting pitcher walked the ducks 7,8,9 hitters, before Gwin singled in two.

Then Senators took a 4-2 lead in the bottom half of the inning as Matt Swetz struggled with his command. Swetz finished with 2Ks in 1 2/3 IP, and allowed only one hit. There were many walks, and some errors.

The Ducks tied the game in the third when Strom singled in Culp.

Then the Senators went ahead 5-3 after three, but South Oakland scored three in the top of the fourth when Moore singled past a drawn-in infield, then Limbach hit an RBI fielder’s choice to first, before Culp a two-run triple. Culp finished 1-for-1 with a triple, 3 walks, and 2RBI.

The Senators put in a reliever at some point. The Ducks added four in the top of the sixth. Dover hit a two-run double that one-hopped the fence in left. I’ve never seen a ball hit that far at Pie Trayor. Riley drove in a run with a ground out to first.

Strom was robbed of extra bases. for the final out of the inning.

Ben Hartranft suffered an upper body injury making a diving attempt at a single in the third inning. Hartranft finished 1-for-2 with a walk and an RBI.

One of the Senators players blew hit knee out, then almost singled on one leg in the second inning, but was thrown out at first in a 9-1-3 putout. I think that’s the first time we’ve forced out a guy from the outfield. Naturally Garrett was involved.

Really, that was a bad coaching mistake that led to the Sens having to take an out. Always leave one guy out of the batting lineup if you can just for flexibility. Though, it did speed up the game.

 

South Oakland’s next game is Wednesday vs. the Senators, 8pm at Spring Hill.

Quack.

Game Day 12: Ducks at Senators

2014 South Oakland Ducks, Gameday, NABA, pittsburgh NABA, South Oakland Ducks Baseball

South Oakland Ducks of the North Side (8-3)

at

Senators (3-7)

12:30pm

Pie Traynor Field

We’re going to have to juggle the lineup a bit due to a whole bunch of weddings this weekend. The Senators have beaten the Titans, Bombers and Monsters, 3 teams that have played us close. But man, 86 runs against in ten games is a lot.

A win ties us for first again and puts the pressure on the WOLFPACK! (9-3) to win Sunday night to keep pace.

If I’m late, Strom is in charge.

stromgraff The commish is MIA, the bulldogs blog is dormant. 

We are finally getting back on a regular weekend then Wednesday schedule for a bit before we have six game in seven days from (I think) the 22nd to the 29th of June.

18A news:

  • The Lions (8-4) have won four straight and are now a game out of first.
  • The WOLFPACK! won two, one-run games last weekend over the Titans and Bombers respectively.
  • The Warriors (1-6) have been rained out at least once a week all season long.

Jason Fetter will be South Oakland’s starting pitcher this afternoon, but Matt Swetz may make his return to the mound out of the bullpen, nine years removed from his last NABA appearance. Swetz also gets to bat cleanup today because of pizza.

2014-05-04 20.19.58

Bad News for the Senators

Ducks Win

2014 South Oakland Ducks, Ducks win, pittsburgh NABA

South Oakland of the North Side (8-3) came away with a 2-1 victory over the Titans(5-7) in Bellevue, Sunday afternoon.

Ducks’ starter, Brian Strom pitched five innings for the victory, scattering 7 hits, striking out 7, and recording his league-leading seventh hit batter. He also smashed his head against the fence after a diving attempt at a foul ball down the right field line in the 7th. He returned to the game.

Anthony Ciccone recorded the 2-inning save.

Culp and Ciccone had RBI for the Ducks.

Both starting pitchers pitched out of trouble all game, and there was solid defense from both sides.

Donnie had a sweet base hit in the fifth. Limbach also singled. Culp doubled in the game winning run in the first. We thought we lost Riley for while in the sixth.

The game ended on a deep fly out to left field that RBI Collector, Matt Swetz, misjudged initially before making a heart stopping, backpedaling, tumbling catch to seal the victory.

I’m surprised the Titans don’t have a better record.

quack.